What is your own experience with suicide?
My first wife, Gail, died by suicide in 1998 from a deliberate overdose of prescription medication. She died in our bedroom and I’m the one who found her. I had warning signs and there were threats, but it didn’t seem like a real possibility to me until it happened. The weeks and months immediately afterward were like a waking nightmare unlike any trauma I’ve experienced before or since. I was very lucky to have tremendous support around me from family and friends. Gail and I were seeing a therapist for couples counseling and, as fortune would have it, I already had an appointment scheduled with that caring psychiatrist for a few days after it happened. I kept that appointment (although it required help from my sister, since I was completely non-functioning), and I’m very glad that I did. Also, a close friend found a suicide loss support group for me and literally put me in her car and drove me there. Those three pillars of support—family and friends, a great therapist, and a peer support group—combined to put me on a path toward healing very early and very strongly. I also did not have to face some of the challenges that other survivors face—like being blamed by others, or legal entanglements—but I learned all about those challenges in detail from my fellow survivors. Today, I’m healthy, happy and living my best life. The trajectory of my life was forever changed by Gail’s suicide, but it no longer has the power to hurt me, and her memory brings me only joy, not pain. One of my greatest privileges in life is helping others get to the same place.
Are you a psychologist or psychiatrist?
No, I am not a mental health professional. But, since 2018, I’ve been helping fellow survivors find their way through suicide grief through a support group that I co-facilitate, and others less formally for years before that. I also have counseled many more people through the AFSP program Healing Conversations, for which I’m a volunteer. For over 20 years, I’ve been an avid student of the phenomenon of suicide and, to date, I have spoken with over 1,000 fellow suicide loss survivors and read countless more accounts of suicide cases. What I’ve learned from those very personal stories has fueled my understanding of suicide.
Are you available for one-on-one counseling?
Possibly, but only through the AFSP program Healing Conversations. It’s free and you can request one by clicking here. You can ask to be paired with me, but any of the trained counselors in the program can help you.
Can I email you with questions?
I can’t promise every email will get to me or that I’ll have the time to respond to them all, but I will certainly try. Contact me by clicking here.
How can I find a support group near me?
Click here to visit a page on the AFSP website that can connect you with a suicide loss support group closest to you.
I need advice for suicide prevention—for myself or for someone I care about. Can you help?
Suicide prevention is not my area of expertise. I recommend calling the national suicide prevention hotline: 9-8-8 right away.
Can you speak at our event?
I am always happy to consider any opportunity to help my fellow survivors to heal. Distance, scheduling and expenses are always considerations that must be addressed, but email me by clicking here and provide as much info as possible detailing your request. I will respond to all inquiries.
Have you been paid to create this website?
No. I’ve funded it completely myself and offer all the resources on this website freely to whomever finds them helpful. It’s not a requirement, but if you’d like to express your appreciation for what’s offered here, you can make a tax-deductible donation to the AFSP by clicking here.
Are you affiliated with AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) or AAS (American Association of Suicidology)?
As of this writing, I sit on the board of my regional chapter of the AFSP, and as I mentioned above, I’m a volunteer through their Healing Conversations program. AAS has published two editions of my booklet A Handbook for Coping with Suicide Grief and I’ve participated in their national conference.
I have a suggestion for another video. Where can I send it to you?
I'd love to see it. If I like it, I'll add it to the series. You can send it to me by clicking here.